Thanksgiving Jokes

October 9, 2011

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
“Please let me in,” says the man desperately. “I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”
“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what I have left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
“That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?” says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
“Oh, no,” says the man, “That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!”

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”
“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.
“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.
“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”

Q: What’s a turkey’s favorite song?
A: “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
“I don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

Rich people eat what on thanksgiving?
Answer: 14 karats [carrots]

On which holiday do you pay a lot of jokes on thanksgiving?
Answer: Pranks-giving.

What do policemen eat on thanksgiving?
Answer: Corn on the cap

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Answer: To get to the other side.

If pilgrims were alive today, what would they say?
Answer: Do not resuscitate.

If April shower bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?
Answer: Pilgrims and furniture.

Why don’t you let a turkey get near corn?
Answer: Because they will gobble, gobble, gobble it.

What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter?
Answer: Dead weight.

What do you call the age of a pilgrim?
Answer: Pilgrimage.

What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today?
Answer: Plymouth.

What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
Answer: Puritan.

What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain?
Answer: Pil-grimace.

What’s the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook?
Answer: Pilgram.

What’s a pilgrim’s mother called?
Answer: Pilgranny.

In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated?
Answer: Turkey.

What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
Answer: Pilgrammar.